No surprises

... this is my final fit ... my final bellyache ... no alarms and no suprises

New "I Loathe Kevin Millar" from IGB

I've had it.

I'm going to just post Navy reruns from the start and let it run. What the heck do I care anymore? My genius is just not appreciated by the unwashed and idiotic masses.

I mean look at the last picks in "editor's picks" on Sherpa. They're mediocre at best. WTF! Every one of my strips bursts with comic goodness. Not only do I comment on the society and celebrity and the human condition, but I make it funny ... LOL funny. And I'm writing multiple levels simultaneously ... other cartoonists are making husband-wife gags about doing the laundry!

Now I know how Van Gogh must have felt.

Trompe Le Monde!

-Navy

Navy starts to waffle under the hot light of questioning

My first pass at Navy with the iPhone "Brushes" app

pretty damn good if you ask me. Look at how the brushwork draws out the emotion. And how the detail of the purple city in the background entices and delights your imagination. I think I've found a new way to express myself!

Exclusive! Navy Bean answer questions about the dissappearance of Joan the Pancreatic Demon

I can write the saddest strips

Navy's first commercial endorsement

This is a good one I wrote when I had my ego enhancement surgery

I tried and failed today ... don't give up on me baby.

Only in a pinch ... The JC Penney catalogue

Just left this on Curt Schilling's blog comments: Not sure how I got here, I did a google search on “red food coloring” and it took me here.

No new strip today. Navy Bean classics though.

World's Best Humble Person!

The storyline with Joan, the pregnant demon inhabiting my pancreas is feeling a bit heavy and melodramatic. So, let's just do an affirmation strip today. Would that be OK?

David S. @ Comic Sherpa (who seems like a lovely man) reprimanded me again for yesterday's strip. Apparently you can't say "silly bitch" on their "family friendly" Web site. WTF! No one under 30 reads comics .. except me and my readers and we don't care about cursing, in fact, we embrace it.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD! IF DEMONS BLEED.

Joan breaks the news! She's pregnant! Navy disputes paternity!

No blog today. I'm worn out and blue. Damn Mondays!

JOAN shocks Top Web Comic Readership with Pregnancy News!

My friend Ignacio strip was just selected for an Editor's Pick on Comics Sherpa

Let's reflect on what really matters .. .

Ah, if you really stop to think, it's the little things that matter the most. At least that's what I tried to tell that hooker in Nicaragua. She said she did not normally care about size, but that even she, a lowly street creature who does awful, sexy things for money could not go any further without some sort of additional length. Luckily, and as always, I was carrying my turkey baster.

You coulda been the king Wes Anderson, but you bought the BS they fed you and lost your vision and magic

My friend Iggy's new comic "I Loathe Kevin Millar"

I don't follow baseball. But my friend Iggy is a big Yankees fan. And he hates a guy named Kevin Millar. I dit some of the original character design for him. I hope you check it out at www.comicssherpa.com

Need to take a break from Joan ... she's draining me

Here's Joan before she overdosed. She's obviously upset.

Joan's in the hospital, but she'll be OK.

Joan, the demon in my pancreas, overdosed on pills and I had to rush her to the hospital. The doctors say she'll be OK, but she'll need to have round-the-clock care. She doesn't have any family that I know of, so I bet that she's gonna want me to do it. Which is BS.

I have a demon named Joan living in my Pancreas

And she has a very short temper. I have tried to be polite and patient with her but she is not a very good listener. Frankly, she's living up to the demon stereotype in all the bad ways. And don't give me any crap about being racist against demons.

I am God's instrument though there's a demon in my pants

I got some angry feedback on the Comics Sherpa site today. They called me a bad name that rhymes with "rich." I didn't appreciate it and it hurt my feelings. I'm just trying to justify what the demon in my head is telling me to do vs. what God's greater plan is for me. It's nto easy folks, they are pulling me either way in a battle for my soul.

Got the damn blues todays

Navy on the Vaginda

Sometimes God doesn't care what happens

I'm a huge hoop fan. But I do not like the NBA or College Basketball.

Nor do I like high school or elementary school basketball.

I wish there was a basketball league of soccer moms that played in tennis skirts and visors and wore really tight golf shirts.

And maybe they'd have to play w/o underwear when they fell behind. SO that when they would jump or bend down for the ball you could see everything.

My God, that would be amazing, right? Who even cares if they know how to play the game.

The sweat and the long manicured nails and $150 hairdoos and the waxed naughty areas would make it a must-watch for any red-blooded man or bi-curious woman.

The strip that was too controversial for Comics Sherpa!

Sorry, folks, I just don't think it's that bad.

She looks like a poser and he looks like has anger problems. I've seen into their future and they have a lovely wedding, then she cheats on him with his best friend and he kills himself in front of her. She's gets so distraught that she drives her Ford Focus into a crowded farmer's market killing 13 and critically injuring 10 more.

So, maybe I was being unnecessarily violent ... or maybe I was doing the world a favor.

I'll let time decide.

Sherpa Controversy!

So I got in trouble with the administrator at Comics Sherpa. He told me I couldn't show violence in the strip and that I was using too much profanity without editing them to his satisfaction.

So I had to pull down one of my best strips. The one where I stab that woman. What's wrong with that?

I'll post it here tomorrow.

God has no patience for your logic

Today's strip gives you the lowdown on why God gave us the power of logic, but will probably punish you if you use it. It's about willpower, people.

For example, you know heroin will make you feel better, but it's bad for you in the long run. And yes, God did theoretically make heroin, but that was to tempt you and see if you would betray God by taking it.

And the good news is, you can do like I did and take it quite frequently, but then apologize to God later and he has to forgive you if you say you're sorry. It's a loophole I found in the Bible.

Strip's here: http://tinyurl.com/cy7qrc

If there's a bad cowboy drag bar, I've not been to it.

Today's strip http://tinyurl.com/dgcec2 discusses the conversation that every father must have with his son.

Son: Why do you have to go to those cowboy drag bars?

Father: Because a man has God-given urges.

Son: Why wasn't mom and mom's crazy sister enough for you?

Father: There's just something about seeing a cowboy dressed up as a lady that makes your heart melt and your loins tingle, son. I don't try to explain it. I just know that when you turn 18, like all men, you'll feel the same way.

Hey all you pimps and bugboys and displaced ethnics!

I think today may be my best work yet. And we all know how bold it is for me to say that considering some of the thought-provoking and mind-blowing pieces of art I've produced over the years.

Today's strip is a silent scream against the things that I believe hold the world back from being a better place to live.

How can we rise up against this all?

Daddy Wore Eyeliner

New strip up @ http://tinyurl.com/ct2w95.

Today's episode is a story from back in the 80s when I worked at The Hartford Insurance group while I was doing an expose for my children's investigative/variet/comedy hour TV show.

I was undercover (posing as a data entry clerk) looking into allegations that The Hartford was charging excessive fees to life insurance claimants. It turned out to be false. That was 5 years of my life down the drain. Dammit.

Catch me on twitter too: TheNavyBean.

Baseball < Brothel

Hello there, today's strip is over at http://tinyurl.com/cngr83.

Today I give some frank and honest commentary to the owners of Major League Baseball. I don't have as much disposable income as I used to have. So, if you want me to attend your 3-4 hour baseball games you better think about lowering your prices. I mean $8 for a light beer?

What do you think this is a trendy LA club where the girls wear those high cut dresses and they're still going on with their lives even though their bodies are being ravaged by STDs? When do you have that conversation by the way? Third date?

Lindsey: "Todd there's something I have to tell you."
Todd: "Please! Please don't talk when I'm trying to do this, I get distracted."

Lindsey: "Todd, I have gonorrhea. "
Todd: "Lindsey, I have to go-now-rea-lly."

This wrinkle in time has got me a headache ... headache

So hungover. I feel dizzy and sweaty and a bit randy.

Why is that? When I drink too much the next day, I feel like I could just stick it anywhere ... and multiple times.

I'm not going to go to that children's birthday party that I got hired to do. I just don't have the stamina today. I'm sure that mom will understand. I'll make it up to her in other ways. Wait. Maybe I should go over there. Think about it? It's an after school weekday party.

That means, no daddies. And I can turn on my magnetismo to its highest level (aka Antonio Banderas level) and maybe help my urges to subside for a few hours.

Rum, Sodomy and the Lash

On today's strip, http://tinyurl.com/cjl7cn I lashed out at comics' historian Guy Bass (photo left).

I apologize.

I drank too much whiskey during the interview and I vomited on the floor. It was the exact same thing that happened when I was on "The Tonight Show" back in 1980 when John Davidson was guest hosting. They never aired that episode. I did get to meet a certain Quinn Cummings. She was so hot.

Nailed it with my strip today

Everything felt great with today's strip, so organic and real.

I knocked it out of the park. I went on Guy Bass' comics interview show and he tried to badger me to talk about things he wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about my new friends that I made this weekend. And I did ... Bass is a dandy, he'll never push me around.

You can check out the full version of the strip at "Comics Sherpa."

Ah sundays...

Sundays are my "just kick it back" days. I'll lay on the couch and watch movies. Then I'll either order a pizza from Mario's or I'll get a two burgers from Tanks.

I try to stay in and evaluate the week that just passed. My failings, the things I could have done better, the ways I could have been a better person. Luckily, and as usual, it's a short list. So, I'll try and call a few lady friends to have over for some good times. (wink, wink)

Or I'll just drift away and imagine that Padma Lakshimi wants me to perform things on her.  After that I get sleepy. And I then I fall into a deep fretful sleep. 

National Cleavage Day!

Was yesterday. And I missed it. I am so ashamed. I do address it in my new strip today over at Comic Sherpa. 

Some people have said that the holiday was an epic bust, but I don't agree. 

Weekends are When I Get it Going

There's something about Friday, right? Like anything can happen and you would be up for it.

I once had a date with this girl named Isa. She was very beautiful and had a great body ... small chest though, so I could never truly love her.

Well we went out for some Mongolian Barbecue and she got some really spicy dishes. At one point, she says, "I haven't been this hot since I was initiated into my sorority."

Wut?! Excusie me?

I probed her for more details, but she wouldn't tell me. I demanded that she tell me but she refused. So then we bought some more of that Chinese beer and I plied her some more.

We went to a bar afterward and she ended up going home with some Greek guy. But I tell you, the mind really wanders when you think about her sorority initiation. Right?

I get questions

A lot of people ask me if I drink when I do my strips. And yes, I do drink. But I have a firm rule that I won't drink any of the brown liquors as they tend to make me an ugly drunk ... like Tara Reid.

If you remember that night in Thailand when I went to that orgy with all the Mormon missionaries it was 'cause I'd been drinkin' something called Thai bourbon. Which is whiskey made from from mashed chili peppers. Mercy! Every entry and exit point was burning for the next week! And pencillin only helped on a couple of them.

In other intoxicating news, I have met the most delightfully openminded housewife. Her name is Jenny and she lives in Orange County and she hates her husband but stays with him because he made her sign a prenup and she can't be poor again, because poor people are not as fun to hang around with at restaurants and they never pick up the tab. (Her words, folks, not mine).

Anyway, I was in LA doing some PR work for the strip and she met me at my hotel out by LAX and she brought some novelty items and lotions with her. And I am drained today!

April Foo's Day -- Gentle Den

This is a character I love to write for. His name is "Gentle Den." And he really could not be a nicer guy.

When I'm writing a strip with GD in it, the humor flows out of my pen like blood from a laceration in the neck region.

GD is not married and he has a large stash of adult magazines in a storage unit out by the airport. He loves Counting Crows and Coldplay and the bartenders at Chili's know him by name.

He goes there every Friday and sits at the bar. He loves how cold their mugs of beer are. He'll talk to the staff and then order something for dinner. Then he'll have a couple more beers.

He'll think about asking out one of the waitresses but he always chickens out ... then he'll walk home (which is a condo just across the street) and weep softly while he looks on the web for free photos of women who get paid to do things to other women.

Navy Bean strips here! -> http://tinyurl.com/cjl7cn

Ahoy!

Hi folks, Navy Bean here. I'm sure you already know me from my award-winning webcomic, "Navy Bean."

Well, in response to all your good input, I've decided to start a blog. I think we both agree that blogs are basically dead and I'm a bit late to this party, but sometimes when you arrive late to a party there'll be a housewife or two who's had too many cosmos and you can slip into a restroom or a pantry and show her what she's been missing. Here's one of the first appearances of Navy. See all comics here: http://tinyurl.com/cjl7cn